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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My wife emailed me this...kinda funny:


Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition dolls for the

Greater Annapolis market:

"The Downs Barbie"

This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom's at Annapolis Mall. She

comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a

long-haired dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with

or without a tummy tuck. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with

"augmented" version.

"Severna Park Barbie"

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer

H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, blond hair dye, and

country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and

Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

"Odenton/Severn Barbie"

This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with a Ford Windstar

minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full

time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone

included, headset sold separately.

"Clay Street Barbie"

This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie comes with a 9mm

handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth

lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid

for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop,

then we don't know what you are talking about.

"Crofton Barbie"

This former Dot Com Barbie cashed in her options before the bust and now

"works from home doing freelance consulting" until the kids get older.

She comes with a huge house on a tiny lot, and she channels her

formidable energy and intellect managing the extensive social and

athletic activities of her three kids, each of whom plays two sports,

takes piano and karate, and is on the chess club. A member of the PTA,

this Barbie is famous for running her daughter's Brownie troop like a

Fortune 500 company ("Do we really have a solid ROI on Girl Scout

cookies?"). Her greatest personal accomplishment this year was

outmaneuvering the other uber-mommies to be selected as Room Mother for

her son's second-grade class. She comes with AOL Ken, accessorized with

a Porsche, giant gas grill, and flat-screen TV equipped with Tivo.

"Glen Burnie Barbie"

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too

small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a

six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit

over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase

her pickup truck separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker

absolutely free.

"Down-town Barbie"

This Barbie wears a leopard print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans

while entertaining friends at the McMansion. Percocet prescription

available. MS-13 Ken available at some 7-11 retailers.

"South County Barbie"

This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own

high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased

Beer-Gut Ken out of Fontana Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes

low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter

top. Also available with a mobile home and pick-up.

"St. John's Barbie"

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,

archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white


"Spa Road Barbie/Bonita"

This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie/Bonita comes with a 1984 Toyota with

expired temporary plates and three baby Bonitas in the back seat, but no

car seats. She also comes with tacos and tortilla cooking attachments

and a bottle of that Mexican beer with the lime in it. The optional Ken

doll comes with a paint-bucket lunch pail and is missing three fingers

on his left hand. (Sorry - Green cards are not available for Spa Road

Barbie/Bonita or Ken.)

Tidal Fish Subscriber - I'm cool!
14,062 Posts
I got a version of this that was various LA Barbies. I doubt if anyone one else here would understand the references.

5,559 Posts
Funny....with Little Tokoyo, Little India (Artesia), Little Saigon (Huntington Beach), Little China (Huntington Park and Chinatown), Little Mexico (Hawaiian Gardens), Little Ohio (Long Beach) side by side (well figurtively) with Beverly Hills, Chevy Chase, Palo Verde, Malibu, Malibu Colony (noses higher).....ooops Rodeo Drive.....makes CA the target for any and all darts.

Premium Member
26,177 Posts
I've lived in 3 of the towns mentioned and now live in a 4th one.They left out camouflage bras though:D Skip
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