Tidal Fish Forum banner
1 - 20 of 41 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,122 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My landlord showed up. We had a good talk way overdue. We made peace, we both are on the same page and he explained to me and apologized in the explanation. Now comes the rough part. I am putting the jug down. I know I have to that this cant go on. I have bragged and boasted about many things to ya all but dont thik you realize I bring drunkness to a new level. I can do some drinkin just to maintain. Linda thought I should go to the VA hospital and do the 30 day stay detoxing. This the bad part. I have been here before. I have been thru a few long term programs before and when it comes to truth I never got anything from it. Do any of you remember when the helocopter crashed back over 30 yrs ago try to recue hostages from Iran? I watched it all from a hospital in St Cloud Minnesota, think it was 2nd day there. That was my first time and a 2nd came shortly after. You dont drink this hard and not get the jitters and thats just putting it mildly. I did a 3rd stint in Katy Texas, same thing, alcohoolism. The ER doc gave me a prescription for I think it was Librium, and another for prescription Pepsid and said hang on man. He scoped my neck and said you have an espohageal ulcer, often commenly called a drinking ulcer. The Librium helped alot with the shakes and I told him straight up, Linda was there, that I had ridden this horse before. It was no fun having hallucinations of blood coming out the shower head and I was beaten down by medics and they dumped delousing powder all over when I was wet laid up screwed up in a shower stall. Just in case I had body lice or crabs. I gave in, I let them take me to a bed. They gave me some meds and I woke up feeling stabler. I am gonna white knuckle it now. I drank the last of it 2 hrs ago and now its all about me. I am scared cuz I know what may come. I fed Boo and my chikkins so I know they are okay and I think if I know it from before, if I can get by tonight, not drink, shake some, get over the hump, I will be okay and better off to deal with tomorrow. This is some shameful stuff to tell you but I carry truth. I havent eaten in 3 days but have plenty food here. Just no appetite but sobering up will change that and I aint gonna **** out just I dint eat for a cpl days. I still have plenty fat ass in reserve to get me by.:hysterical: First smiley I had to drag up in many days. I know I can see this thru cuz without a sense of humor I am not much. I dont know if any of you have battled a bad drinking problem or really drank this hard and came back from it. I aint wanting any help cuz its all mine. But let me tell ya sumthin. After you drink like I have there is a price to pay and I am going to stare it in the face. Now. Tonight. I am coming away from this sucker and my clients, horses, friiends, will all be there at the end. Cork you helped me so much and I just sat here sniping at you from afar and I want you know this. Thanks for coming thru. Dayton you must need a new monitor after how I have filled yurs the past few days. I thought about calling my family but just dont have it in me, but I wiill if this dont go as planned. I was really upset bad at my landlord Donnie. He came by and made sense of it all and although I have a few questions to ask him sometime later I know why he drives to my place when he needs help. We talked about life problems and wimmen and I found out what I already knew as to why he comes here to me at crunch time. He will do anything to fix me and I have no pressure or time frame. He said he will never allow it that this place is rented to just me or Timmy and Linda if I aint here. Thanks Don. He said we were a package deal when we arrived and before he will show favoritism neither of us will live here without the other.
Now I have the job of pickin myself up which may make of you wonder just how weak a little booze can make one but is still a key thing here. I may have to call one of you and just talk to you cuz the shakes arent so bad if yur mind is otherwise occupied. Please bear with me if I do. I wont be drinking or talking drunk ****, just needing a hand on the way outta this. I filled up a gallon jug of water and am rehydrating. I am fixin to clear all this nasty mess of bottles away and maybe even I will eat sumthin later. Let the dreams return tonight. I will be better equipped to work em away. My house looks good and my clothes are clean but I do need a bath. And a haircut, but that can come later. I used to be the best dressed boy on the block and I am still that guy who took pride in the simple things and I will survive and do it again like always. The booze drags me into a real deep hole and I become something I aint. I havent smoked rope in over a week and think I will keep that away also even though it has never played a part but just been a friend. It is time to clean it up here. I am not going to leave anything to doubt in doing so. I cant afford the chance. Hell I was sober so long and love that reefer and never used it unresponsibly. Those days will come back or the reefer can go too.
I have a sister Cork. Her name is Paula and I love her to death. She is 9 yrs younger than me. I thought of calling her after you spoke about friends and family getting you thru. She has 2 girls Megan and Jade and 1 son Matt. I know and love her husband too his name is Tim. He was really the one who might still be an option cuz he is a firefighter and 1st responder and he has seen his share of things. He would pick me up if it came to it and I know he can do it. I just have problems going to my family with myself. Megan got hit by a car and she is wounded but okay. She is in her 2nd year at a Vo Tech school in northern central Minnesota. Jade and Matt still are kids at home, Jade just got her drivers license. I cant very well invade their family as her brother just when they are caught up raising kids and paying bills getting by now, can I? My brother Tom and I were never close. He lost his wife Sandy a few years ago and he is a worse wreck than me but sober, works hard, keeps it together. He's 9 yrs older than me. He is caught just like I am with his ol lady gone. And having trouble adjusting. We werent much of friends growing up and it took Sandys passing to make him come to me. I cant bother him now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
827 Posts
Hey Jeff, might not want to hear it now but I'm gonna repeat back to you something you said to me during one of our conversations a while back "I cant think of any situation I've been in that wasn't made worse by drinking''. I've thought about that quite a bit with the **** I'm dealing with. Got the phone charged up if you need to talk.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
541 Posts
Now you're talking like the Jeffro we all know and love!:yes::thumbup: You have lots of friends on here Jeff that are opening up their hearts, hands, arms, ears and everything else to you, so take it, it's free for the giving! That's what friends are for! You are a fighter and a survivor, hell, you haven't gotten this far by giving up.:yes::thumbup: Do what ya have to do get back to your old self and all things will work out in the long run. Hang tuff my friend!:yes: You have plenty of supporters who understand!:yes:
 

·
Tidal Fish Subscriber - I'm cool!
Joined
·
1,292 Posts
(434) 8 8 2 - 3 0 8 0 anytime. Leslie is gone so I got plenty of time to listen, argue and talk smack about everybody else. Plenty of garden questions ready for you too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,122 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Now you're talking like the Jeffro we all know and love!:yes::thumbup: You have lots of friends on here Jeff that are opening up their hearts, hands, arms, ears and everything else to you, so take it, it's free for the giving! That's what friends are for! You are a fighter and a survivor, hell, you haven't gotten this far by giving up.:yes::thumbup: Do what ya have to do get back to your old self and all things will work out in the long run. Hang tuff my friend!:yes: You have plenty of supporters who understand!:yes:
You all are so good. I thank you deeply. I understand. I know it. I am sittin here sober crying wondering how this all came down. I wasnt meant for this. Verna I know honey and Fletcher you too. I cant explain it to you. I speak damn near 3 languages and I cant testisfy. I know you wanna help but I have pride. You knew me before. I am second guessing myself if I should go to the wall with Mike. I bought my own ticket now who am I to ask others to take the ride Verna? I know you love me and you all will come by at a hot minute and I aint ****ing you off. I would unlock my door and answer my phone. Boscoe is my best friend around and Corker too and wasabi also. Bradley and I too, all of us are in this together but dam I hate to drag them down. There are other alkies on the forum and they reach out and I knnow I should lay down and connect. I want you know the best man I have ever met Verna, other than my Dad. His name is Johnny Norville. Him and I shared backyards for almost 11 yrs. We drank coffe in the morning. I was there when Rosa
Lee had her stroke and Johnny was small in stature and Rosa Lee had no sense and took him down all the time cuz gravity ruled. Linda was there the whole time. John had been a mechanic for a GMC dealership in Katy. John had 2 daughters, and I know them very well. Skeet and Sandra Brunkenhoefer, Don and Margaret Lamb. I was there when Rosa Lee went down, and knew something was wrong cuz me and John dint drink our normal cup of coffee at 4 PM. When Johnny had bypass surgery the whole family told the crew at the hospital I was a son so I could go into ICU with them. A nurse said John wave a finger if you hear me. He did. I took him home after, the pillow he hugged to his chest to make better of his pain when he coughed cuz his chest had been split open is mine. I washed it. I retuirned it to him. Dam n right I stuck a finger in his armpit and told him a joke just so he would laugh and it would hurt. I took him to check ups that followed and he held his thumb under the buttons of his shirt the closeness of the cloth caused him pain. The day he went under the knife OJ Simpson got his. I sat at a place called Rabbit Hutch Rannch and I could barely do the work in front of Bunny and Eloise Pearl knowing my friend was having surgergy. I called from the barn and Sandra said he came outta surgery okay. It ws 11 am and I joined up at 5 and thats when we all touched fingers and knew we were friends. Don Lamb is a fireman who was fire chief in a little town called Pedernales. His wife and Johns daughter was a housekeeper for Willie Nelson.
I smoked dope with Willie before most were born. And not as aguest but a friend. You all know I like my weed and like to tell a story but there it is.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Now your talking!Pick yourself up by your boot straps and dust yourself off cowboy.It's time to get back in the saddle and take control of this pony.All we have in life is our good Friends and Family.And you have a bunch of good friends all around you that want to be there for you,Let them.Also let your family know what is going on,they have the right to know,They love you.Don't let their last thought of you be, Why didn't he tell me,I thought we were closer than that.It's not a easy road and no we have not had to walk it yet,but one thing is for sure we all will have to one day.I can't imagine what you are going thru,but you have alot of friends that want to be there for you so let them.If I didn't live down here in Ga. I'd be beating on your door trying to help.But I'm here to talk if you need to talk.Hang tuff buddy you can do this.Alot of people are pulling for you,don't let them down.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
122 Posts
I kicked the juice in 1998 shoer , after a quart a day stint for 7 years and I aint gonna tell ya its gonna be easy but one things for sure it will never take until your ready , not the old lady, not your doctor not anybody else but you, and there will be days when its on your mind
but its a crutch you can walk with out and be a better man for it, you have my number if I can be of help in any way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,122 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
What a true man, and dont think otherwise or I will come back. About the size of the smallest but a big pair of nuts.
I told Dayton about his free concert every spring and how I attended. I had a special pass bradley. The Higwayman was strung cuz Cris Kristofferson said lets do it. I smoked weed with both Waylon and Johnny Cash, aint no pride to be had. June carter Cash hates my ass to this day. I dont sport celebrities just to show myself. It happened.
When I was a kid growing up I always liked to hear Glen Campbell sing Galveston. Galveston oh Galveston, I can hear yur sea breeze blowing. I had never seen a shore or a coast or a gulf or an ocean.
I am alineman for the couty.
What a song and Glen ended up a drunk like me. Go figger.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,878 Posts
Here is one of my favorites. From all of us.....to all of us. There is always someone, somewhere for us. I feel ya bout not "bothering" your family, but really that is what it is about. Might want to start with the not-so-close brother. Maybe not for you.....what if he needs someone, and you might be that person. Could be a win-win. You share alot.....most importantly your Mom and Dad. How great would it be to hear about them from his perspective and he to hear from yours. Maybe switch shoes and walk a mile together.


Dayton
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,122 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Jeff, please call Wasabi when you can. He needs it. He told you the truth above. His Leslie is gone......and it is tough on him.

I kinda knew as much bro. He was good about standing up for her too. Dont think Waddell slept here and we dint talk. She is such a pretty woman. If she knew just how much he loved her it would not be aaanother train wreck. He loved her so deeply and dint just sport her around as a badge. He really loved her man. He had the feelings and a beating heart that the two of us tied make some sense of it.
He shared his heart openly here and I love him for it. He can **** out here any time brother and we can even lick our wounds independently. I will put stuffed puppies on top him and take pics and I bet that guy knows its all love within and no messin with. He came here so freely when I said come by and camp it was silly. Wasabi walked into my plce so gracious it will make yur head spin. I knew he wasnt here for free board Dayton, he did it all and made my Linda happy and me too. I was so happy to have him accept and stay here its ridiculous. He came into my pad like he owned it and I like that. I showed Sabi the bathroom and pointed out the dog would eat him. He offered to help with any cooking and dishes and even offered to screw my woman but I knew he was only being kind to me. Dont laugh man, good fiends like that dont just roll off the block. Damn he is a good friend. He drug his 20 footer down so we all could catch some fish outta the james that day. Corker you shut yur ass up and you alreaqdy know why. Damn that a special moment. Corker crapped on his ass in the back of the boat and trying like hell to find the right rig. Doodlum on his cell telling someone we were fishing at the sewer plant outflow plant and Cork and I met eyes. The whole boat shook and Sabi was pissed cuz he hadnt caught a carp yet. I was lookin for my PFD cuz I thought we were going down and Cork was laid up in back shaking his grits of laughing. Doodle bug was still on the phone telling someone the fish werent biting.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,122 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Here is one of my favorites. From all of us.....to all of us. There is always someone, somewhere for us. I feel ya bout not "bothering" your family, but really that is what it is about. Might want to start with the not-so-close brother. Maybe not for you.....what if he needs someone, and you might be that person. Could be a win-win. You share alot.....most importantly your Mom and Dad. How great would it be to hear about them from his perspective and he to hear from yours. Maybe switch shoes and walk a mile together.


Dayton
Thats athought and it has crossed my mind Dayton. It would come way more easier than going to Paula. He is a strong guy and hurt bad. He was alweays a private sort and kind of a family outcast but he calls now. He is so broken down coming home to Sandy dead I dont really know how he will take me, if he will at all. He has plenty of money but I dont use my brother like that and fear he may take it wrong. He has worked all his life in a steell foundry, got up early and been there every day. He has a cabin and some property in northern Wisconsin on Lake Superior. We dont know each other. He is financially independent and I wouldnt have my own brother to think I am cominng to him in time of need because of it. He is 9 yrs older than me and graduated in 1966, We never got along as kids. We have never ben close and truth be known he had problems making grades and while my folks gave him the time and schooling I milked the cows and he knows it. When Dad dropped down with an ulcer next to the cornpicker Tom was about 17 and it was me who took over milkin the cows cuz he never had. He had been made to study his books at the dining room table while Dad and I milked. Stuff like that may not be insurmountable, I dont know but it sure seems a barrier. He is not a bad guy at all and I am his brother for crissake and only one. Him and Sandy never had any kids and they were ultra-private. They hade a lake home and my parents were both pissed that their own kid wouldnt drop off a set of keys and say go there Dad and Mom. It hurt them bad. Ya know, tey raised him and they were his parenents. Dad and Mom dint have much retirement time but they woulda loved to go to Alexandria Minnesota and Tom and Sandy were never there anyway. Tom went there or hired to have the grass cut and dock pulled before winter. A Big A frame lodge on a lake, dad and Mom could have fished or cooked out but t nevr happened. They never expected anything but it hurt them deeply. Where I come from if you have a cabin on the lake you give yur parents the keys and tell them to go there anytime. How uncomfortable would it be to show up on my brothers door with cancer wanting help?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,878 Posts
Jeff, this has potential. Stay with me now. Home alone.......influx of water......causes outflow of water........lots of shaking..........why not hang on to it thru the shakes or until you smile, need one cig and then quickly fall off to sleep! Man, you got it going on dude!

D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,122 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Jeff, this has potential. Stay with me now. Home alone.......influx of water......causes outflow of water........lots of shaking..........why not hang on to it thru the shakes or until you smile, need one cig and then quickly fall off to sleep! Man, you got it going on dude!

D
I am here man. The cigs are just an afterthought at this point. Thanks for caring Dayton. I hope I can smile again and not fake it to cover up. The sleep is not good and no relief, its just when the dreams show up but I understand bro. I try take sleep rationed out and thats a sorry way to relax and try get some rest. I divide them but they have their own mind dude. If I say ok cats now from 11 to 3 I want only sleep and the rest of you take over from 3 to wake up they will not listen. I cant control it, they just show up. The bottles are gone and the water is real but the past wont fade away. Me and Donnie talked about this today but in a different perspective cuz he dont know either. He is just trying to cover up a girl on apole he goes to, my trouble runs just a tad deeper and sometimes you are faced with one who doesnt have the functions to understand.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,122 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Jeff, this has potential. Stay with me now. Home alone.......influx of water......causes outflow of water........lots of shaking..........why not hang on to it thru the shakes or until you smile, need one cig and then quickly fall off to sleep! Man, you got it going on dude!

D
Are you with me man or just jerking at the chain? I gotta know brother.
 
1 - 20 of 41 Posts
Top