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An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.'
> No one moved. The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.' Again all was quiet.
> Then slowly, a drop dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew.
> Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, 'Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.. I never said you were a member of the KY Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.'
> The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared!
:D
 

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One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his hands behind his back and his dick in a vice.
Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"
"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."
 
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