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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
After keeping a very close eye on the offshore weather forecast , the Captain has decided to move the trip date to Weds. the 17th of December . Although we could have sailed Tuesday , it would have been a little iffy and Captain Chris would much prefer everyone to have the best conditions possible for a safe and productive trip . I know there were a few of you that said they could go on Weds . If you would like to go , please PM me and I will see what I can do . For the others that have already committed to the 16th and cannot go on Weds , I'm sorry but it is what it is . Weather this time of year is very fickle and we have done the best to insure that we can sail on a good day . The Captain and I will be calling people throughout today and tomorrow to confirm the new trip date . Again , sorry about the change , but it is out of my control . I hope this doesn't screw any one's plans up too badly .
 

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Ever since I had the brass ones installed I hate going out in the cold
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I won't be in today. My fish is sick and I need to take it to the vet.

2. My neighbor's daughter got a round hair brush stuck in her hair and I need to help her get it out.

3. I won't be in today because I have come down with Spring Fever.

4. I fell off a ladder fixing the roof on my house and I landed on my elbow.

5. Last night in San Francisco I was attacked by a guy who didn't like the remarks I made about him and he hit me in the face and broke the windshield of my car with a small bat that I tried to hit him with.

6. I have a head ache.... # 22...actual times someone at work has called in with this excuse!

7. I don't think I'll be in work for awhile. Yesterday I was riding my son's BMX bike and I fell and broke my ankle it two places and I'm in the hospital.

8. I won't be in today. I'm still drunk from last night.

9. I'm not coming in because I need a mental day.

10. Last night we had a party and I woke up with a strange man in my bed!

11. My car caught on fire on the way to work so I can't make it in.

12. My car ran out of gas on the way to work. I was pushing it to a gas station and I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to the doctors.

13. My cat got ran over by a motorcycle and I need to take it to the vet.

14. My boyfriend hit me over the head with a speaker and I'm kind of messed up.

15. I was stepping down out of my trailer and I missed the step and when I landed on the ground I messed up my back.

16. Called in on Tuesday I won't be able to come to work for the rest of the week. My shrink put me on a depressant pill yesterday and I was up all night wired. I'm in zombieland right now and I don't want to drive in fear of an accident, or run the machines in fear of getting hurt or dismembered. I need the rest of the week off cause my body needs to adjust to the medication. So I need the last three days as vacation days because I've missed too much time already and I can't afford to miss anymore .

17. I won't be in today or Ever Again. I've found a way to earn money by staying at home working on my puter. I'm tired of getting paid for punching a time clock, working my but off on a J.O.B (Just Over Broke) 9 to 5 and retiring with $ 0 in my bank account, forced to live of the Government and taxpayers. If you want to know what I'll be doing, send an email to: [email protected] Hooray! Freedom at Last!

18. Tom Robbins says: "any one who goes to work everyday... everyday... IS sick! so, 'call in well' to work today!

19. Had to be rushed to hospital for coffee burns on my lap be in tomorrow!

20. I cant come to work today because the city is paving my street and I cant get out!

21. A graphic artist I once knew told me of a person who called in and said his house had burned overnight. He was caught in the lie when word got out because co-workers took up a collection and the guy had to come clean when they gave it to him. He said it's just so much easier to say you've got diarrhea. They can't argue with that. (Imodium hadn't been invented yet.)

22. My wife is too sick to get out of bed, so I'm staying home to take care of her.

23. A lady took a leave of absence to cavort with her boyfriend. The supervisor looked the other way when she said she had to go to Arizona to get her stuff out of storage. After her return, she transferred to the front office. When her paramour again desired her companionship for travel, she said her father had a stroke. She was quietly dismissed when the office manager called the mother to ask how the allegedly ailing father was doing and was told the truth.

24. Back in the olden days, female employees were not required to report their pregnancies, and she was one of the damnedably lucky ones that never showed. Her boss found out when she called to say she couldn't make it that day because she was in labor.

25. I wont be in today I ran into a car and need to go to the doctor's I cant find my shoes I cant find my Son!!! There is a good show on T.V. I need to donate blood today I'm Drunk I left rubber cement next to my bed why I was sleeping and got really High I fell on a flashlight " Butt First " My dog ate my car keys and went to sleep and when I woke up found my self in another state.

26. I won't be in today....I'm calling in dead.

27. Excuse me sir, but I won't be in today. My home is flooded and I'm currently standing on my dresser in my second story bedroom. Thanks and have a nice day.

28. Can't make it in. I have a chance of filling in for someone on jury duty.

29. Hello, This is, ________ I've used all of my sick days and I'm calling in dead.

30. Actually used (and believed) when I was working in Toronto. "You'll never believe it! I said with a straight face, I was heading here with plenty of time to be on time, when my car tires got stuck in the streetcar tracks! Now, I could drive forward and backwards but I couldn't turn off the tracks. I continued. Now I knew I couldn't safely stay there, so I did the only thing I could. I said, I had to drive all the way down to the rail yards and (finally) drive out free at the barns. Just to top it off, I continued, I'm sure you know how far away the rail yards are from work. I took me an extra half hour just to drive back! That's why I was late for work."

31. I can't come into work today because of eye trouble.... I can't see working today.

32. If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

33. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

34. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

35. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.

36. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

37. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet .

38. I had missed a lot of work and my boss made me promise I would not be late, but I woke that day to find my cat bleeding. The poor cat had a hole in its belly where an abscess had burst. I called the boss and she said, " Sure it does..." The vet was very accommodating and wrote me an official excuse, and it hung on the boss's bulletin board for a very long time. It read, "Please excuse Sheryl being late to work today. Her cat had a hole in it.

39. I am calling in because I do not feel up to par today.

40. I am not coming in because I tried to dye my hair blonde, but it came out green!

41. I'm not going to work today, I spent my paycheck on lottery tickets, and I'm out of Gas 'till payday. (actually used by a security guard)

42. I have a bit of a problem. I got the end of a Q-tip stuck in my ear and have to go to the doctors to get it out.

43. I was already at work for this and wanted to leave...Tell the boss I called home a few minutes ago and gotta go, my girlfriend went out to sunbathe naked in the back yard and locked herself out of the house and needs the door opened.

44. Actually used and they will know me but it was 15 yrs ago.... my roommates horse overate and he has been walking it since midnight, I need to walk the horse so it doesn't lay down and die.

45. Yesterday I Caught a bad cold while vacationing in Miami, Florida. Sorry!

46. A man I worked with once called in with... "My wife's breasts are sore after her breast enlargement so I need to stay home and massage her tits."

47. My husband had a vasectomy yesterday and his balls are enlarged, so I need to stay home and help him ice them.

48. This really Happened to me, I was on my way in to work and fell down the back steps of my apartment and I had my cell phone I phoned my work to tell them I wouldn't be in because I fell and hurt my back and also asked them to phone my husband so he could come help me and take me to the hospital .

49. A SWAT team closed off a part of a street after a disgruntled ex-employee shot several people at a printing firm. A worker for a different a company called to report he couldn't finish his service route on that block that day (before the event was reported on the news) because there were snipers on the roof.

50. I'm not coming to work to day because my computer has got a virus. And my computer means more to me then this job

51. When I lived in Mesa, AZ, I was living in a 4-plex that wasn't exactly living in the best area of town (it was a little pocket of not-so-great neighborhood, actually). It shared a common parking area and driveway with the building behind us. I was working as an event planner for Motorola for the WORST boss... (She later was sued by Motorola and my former co-workers for creating a hostile workplace...heh heh) Anyway, one day I got up and got dressed for work, went out to my car, and immediately had to go back into the house to call in... Uh, Boss, I'm gonna be late today... there's about 30 police officers across the street, and I'm blocked in my driveway by a HAZMAT TRUCK!!! The Police had discovered that the tenants in the place directly across the street had built secret "tunnels" from one apartment to another, and the Police were in the process of busting the Meth Lab the tenants were running, it turns out... and there were about 15 police cars and 4 fire trucks in the way! If that's not a GOOD excuse, I don't know what is! *laugh*

52. This is the mother of all "calling in" excuses. The other day, I went to work. And one girl didn't even show up or even call. So the supervisor called her and she was still sleeping. She said that I forgot I had to work today ....I mean please. "

53. I needed a good excuse for missing work, and I have always felt that the more ridiculous (while still believable) the "reason" was the better. This is my favorite. Imagine me on the phone with my boss: I was playing fetch with my dog and the ball took a bad hop and broke a back window. When I went out to check out the damage, I stepped on a big piece of glass and cut my foot really bad. I had to go get stitches, and I don't think I can be on my feet a lot today. The trick to making this excuse stick -- I put a pebble in my shoe for the next couple of work days that I attended to remind me to walk gingerly due to my "stitches." It worked like a charm. Hell, it even got me some good sympathy -- stitches and a dog lover, who can resist that?

54. One of the guys in my department phoned at 11:30 on a Tuesday to explain why he hadn't come into work that week: " I went to a party on Saturday and met a girl, we've been in bed ever since. I'm getting tired now and will be at work in an hour or so .

55. I am sorry but I will be unable to come in to work today. My agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house) is kicking in and I am afraid to drive today.

56. I got an excuse from the wife of one of my employees once -- he was fixing up an old school bus for them to see the world in. In order to fix it the way he wanted, he had to raise the height of the roof. This is what she said: Daniel won't be into work today. He fell off his sawhorse while cutting the roof off the bus. He landed on a pile of two by fours. It's ok tho, the saw wasn't hurt a bit. Believe me, that is only the beginning of the cake mix that Daniel went thru!!

57. Can't come in today, the springs on the garage door broke and I can't get the car out cause the door won't open.

58. My coworker Wilma Martinez called in and said " The snowplow was stuck in front of her driveway ". It took three days before they could get back to tow it away. Chicago January blizzards. She brought in pictures the next week.
 

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The best one is........I have anal glaucoma.............which translates to.........I can't see my a$$ coming to work today.:clapping2::clapping2:............Gary
 
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